6 Biblical Listening Skills: LISTEN
By Bob Kellemen | Founder and CEO, RPM Ministries
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Posted 6:16 am on May 17, 2012
Note: The following post is adapted from Spiritual Friends.
We can use the acrostic LISTEN to remind ourselves of basic components of competent biblical listening.
- L—Loving Motivation: Proverbs 21:13
- I—Intimate Concern: Galatians 6:1-3; Colossians 4:6; James 3:17-18
- S—Slow to Speak: Proverbs 18:13; James 1:19
- T—Timing: Proverbs 15:23; 25:11
- E—Encouraging: Hebrews 3:7-19; 10:24-25
- N—Need-Focused Hearing: Ephesians 4:29
Loving Motivation: Proverbs 21:13
“If a man shuts his ears to the cry of the poor, he too will cry and not be answered” (Proverbs 21:13). Relationally competent spiritual friends are motivated, like God, to listen for, hear, care about, empathize with, and respond to the hurts of the wounded. Neither secular theory nor human curiosity drives careful listening. Care does. Concern does. Compassion does.
Intimate Concern: Galatians 6:1-3; Colossians 4:6; James 3:17-18
Paul (Galatians 6:1-3; Colossians 4:6) emphasizes the humble, spiritual, gentle, and gracious concern that ought to accompany spiritual listening. James (James 3:17-18), in a context sandwiched between the use of the tongue and the cause of quarrels, explains that true wisdom for living flows from a heart that loves people and peace, a heart that is considerate and submissive, impartial and sincere.
Slow to Speak: Proverbs 18:13; James 1:19
James is quite emphatic. “My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry” (James 1:19). Solomon explains why. “He who answers before listening—that is his folly and his shame” (Proverbs 18:13). Relationally competent spiritual friends hear their friend’s story before they tell God’s story to their friend.
Timing: Proverbs 15:23; 25:11
“A man finds joy in giving an apt reply—and how good is a timely word!” (Proverbs 15:23). “A word aptly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver” (Proverbs 25:11). “Apt” means fitting, timely, given in due season—words said at the right time, in the right way, for the right reason because of right listening.
Exploring: Hebrews 3:7-19; 10:24-25
Both Hebrews 3 and 10 speak of encouraging and clearly imply the necessity of exploratory listening before profitable encouraging. Before encouraging, spiritual friends tune into, see, listen, and hear what is going on in the heart of their spiritual friend.
Need-Focused Hearing: Ephesians 4:29
To benefit others, spiritual friends listen for specific needs. “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen” (Ephesians 4:29). Spiritual friends ask, as they listen, “What is it that my spiritual friend most needs? What are his hurts and wounds? What are her fears and scars? What wholesome words relate to her specific situation? Specifically, given his situation, what words will benefit him?”
Join the Conversation
Using the LISTEN acrostic, rate yourself on each of the six aspects of listening. How could you improve your spiritual listening skills, especially in those areas where you rated yourself lower?
Tags: compassion, concern, humility, listening
Robert W. Kellemen, Ph.D., LCPC, served for over a dozen years as Chairman of the Master of Arts in Christian Counseling and Discipleship Department at Capital Bible Seminary. He is now Professor-at-Large in that Department. In his three pastoral ministries, Bob has equipped 100s of lay people as biblical counselors and spiritual friends. In his role as Founder and CEO of RPM Ministries (http://www.rpmministries.org), Bob is known for his Christ-centered, comprehensive, compassionate, and culturally-informed approach to equipping local churches for biblical counseling and spiritual formation. Bob is the Executive Director of the Association of Biblical Counselors’ Center for Church Equipping. He also serves as the Launch Director for the Biblical Counseling Coalition. Bob is the author of Soul Physicians, Spiritual Friends, Beyond the Suffering, Sacred Friendships, and God’s Healing for Life’s Losses.
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