I have been a Christian since I was 5 years old. It’s been such a blessing to have known and had God walking with me in my life for most of my living days. I don’t really know what it’s like to not have hope.
But having been a Christian for so long can at times, be hard. I don’t always have the “fire” that a new Christian might have.
Sometimes it’s more like embers that are still warm or a small flame. The “fire” comes and goes and it takes work to keep it roaring.
There are times and moments in my life where I just feel blocked from God. Do you ever feel that way? That you reach out and try to seek Him so hard with everything in you and yet you still just don’t feel like you can reach Him? You don’t FEEL Him moving and working in your life or on your behalf?
It’s so frustrating. Tormenting for me. I’m not sure why these periods come. The Bible tells me that when I seek Him with all my heart, I will find Him. And yet sometimes there is such a huge void and silence that rages back at me.
Do I have sin in my life? Am I not reading His Word enough? Is He angry at me or disciplining me? Do I have pride in my life that needs to be dealt with or someone that I need to make amends with?
I’m not sure. All I know is that I must keep the faith. For when I feel Him again – that moment and how I am swept off my feet and convicted, inspired, and motivated – is worth it all. I long to feel my Lord. I long to hear Him. So I will wait. I will seek. I will hope. I will continue to obey; knowing that He will show Himself to me when His timing and His will are to be perfectly unfolded.
And I will be thankful. I will be thankful that those seasons of feeling blocked from my Lord aren’t forever. I will be reminded that that is how some people live always and I will be motivated to not rely on my feelings but to rely on my faith. For faith is truly believing without seeing or feeling.
Our roots have to be deep enough that we know what to do when we aren’t being clearly told. They have to be strong enough that we aren’t swept away when we feel we aren’t being held up. I live for my God. I love Him so deeply. I must trust in His heart when He chooses to not directly communicate with me. For I trust in His love for me. It’s painful to feel cut off from Him, but I know it must be for my own good. I WILL seek Him. And I WILL find Him again.
*Author’s Note: God HAS been so faithful to me and thankfully after this article was written, I once again found myself in a season where I was blessed to have God personally reveal Himself to me in several moments and ways. But this article shows the heart of a Christian who doesn’t always have all the answers or feelings to guide them. I pray you understand its authenticity that represented that moment in time.
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