Now and again you hear or read something which matches words to a cry of your spirit. I listened to Mystery by Brooke Fraser for probably the 20th time, but last night it just fit the mold to perfection.
Sometimes our most basic desire shines through: to be loved. We want so badly to feel known and be delighted in. Our hearts ache terribly when we are betrayed by the people who love us because we want more. We want a love that is perfect and selfless and fulfilling and unending. We do not see this kind of love in our world, but we long for it. The only conclusion therefore is that somewhere deep inside we know that it is out there. Perhaps we have tasted it before or seen someone else experience it. Or perhaps it has been, as the song says, “woven” into our being by our Creator. Perhaps this longing is meant to point us to something.
I have a hard time putting my trust in people (not exactly a phenomenon by my observances). This unfortunately carries over into my relationship with God. As I base my logic on what I have seen around me I feel insecure about His love, terrified that He is like us and His devotion will fade or fail. No human love can sustain. Even the very best of us have fallen short at one point or another. Our selfishness takes hold and we eat the better cookie and leave the burnt one for our friend… Love failed. So it is hard with my human head to imagine God’s unconditional love.
But perhaps that is the problem: I am trying to imagine God. If He is real why do I rely on my limited creativity? This love we read so much about is huge. It is unreasonable and completely beyond my comprehension. It is truly a mystery and it requires faith. Sometimes it is more than difficult to believe in a love described in the Bible and harder still to feel it. But do I trust that even those times are being used by God like He seems to say they are? Regrettably I fail and my trust in Jesus wavers, but like Peter, I am never left to drown.
I have questions, fears and a million other things which I can allow to strangle my relationship with God. Or I can take these questions and fears, this guilt and anger directly to the Lover of my soul. I can choose to let Him provide the answers and make new things which are broken. God has already done His part: He has reached out to me, offered the rescue. It is up to me (and you) to take His hand and… trust. God knows about my deep longing and He knows His love is hard for me to grasp. I need to believe that He also knew what He was doing when He made me this way.