Some people hurt me really deeply in my life. It was a long time ago, but the hurt that was done is still very much remembered. I’ve gone to God so many times and asked Him to help heal my heart and to help me forgive. To help me WANT to forgive.
Time and space have been wonderful boundaries for a wounded heart to slowly heal.
Now, here I sit. Many, many years later. And something seems to have changed. Either these people regret how they treated me, or God has done some work on their own hearts. Either way, I sense a shift in how they are responding towards me. How they are viewing me.
At first I felt somewhat defiant. “They SHOULD know they were wrong about me!” That changed to “It’s about time.” Now, I’m feeling my heart soften a bit more. It doesn’t matter whether or not I feel they deserve my forgiveness or peace. I can’t ever buy back the time that they stole from me. I can’t replace the stress, the heartache, the part of me that they took from me. It’s done. What I CAN do is see that I deserve to be the kind of person who offers forgiveness so that I can finally have peace.
You see – it’s not about them. It’s about me. It’s about being free. Free from bitterness. Free from discouragement, frustration and a label. A label that was put on me. As long as I stay rigid in my heart and thoughts towards them – I’m in bondage TO them. And that’s the last thing I want.
Not only that – but how many times have I hurt someone else? Not intentionally, mind you – but I’m sure the hurt has been done, just the same. The price to pay is never having the relationship we could have had. The price to pay for these people in my life is never having the relationship they could have had with me. Forgiveness doesn’t mean removing boundaries. It simply means removing anger and a lot of times… sorrow.
I am where I am in life for a reason. I believe God has used the pain in my life to help others. I believe He’s used it to help ME! Would I go back and do it again? Probably not. But then there would have just been some other hard lesson for me to experience and go through.
I want to be free. I want to be healed forever. That only means one thing.
Forgive. Let the past go and leave it there. Don’t carry it with me as a constant reminder of what I wish would have been.
There is something different that can be found today. And it can be a different kind of beautiful if I’m ready to find it.