I was in a new church. This was a new beginning. Here I was again trying to prove to myself; I was capable of pulling this off.
For the last 26 years, it has been one of my goals to finally sing on stage without fear and trembling, yet fear always won. Why was I so scared? Why did I have such stage fright? I think I have a good voice, but will they think I have good voice? Will I be good enough to be asked to do this again or will I crash and burn? This is something I've been trying to overcome most of my life, fear of failure and fear of rejection.
“The LORD is my light and my salvation— whom shall I fear? The LORD is the stronghold of my life— of whom shall I be afraid?” Psalm 27:1(NIV)
There's been so many changes in my life this year: two miscarriages, infertility, counseling, a new job, a new church, new friends and a complete change in my daily routine and schedule. Everything is new and different now.
“He refreshes my soul. He guides me along the right paths for his name’s sake.” Psalm 23:3 (NIV)
“Show me your ways, LORD, teach me your paths. Psalm 25:4 (NIV)
“Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.” Proverbs 3:5-6 (NIV)
Everything changed this year. By the time it was all said and done, I didn't know what else to do but to trust God completely. He loves me. He never leaves me. He knows what I need.
“This is what the LORD says — your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel: “I am the LORD your God, who teaches you what is best for you, who directs you in the way you should go.” Isaiah 48:17 (NIV)
It was time for a change and God led me down a different path where I could heal, be restored and start anew. So here I was, up on stage of my new church, hoping I would actually succeed this time and have the opportunity to be used again and again for His Glory.
“Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters,” Colossians 3:23.
It took a few weeks of practice and prayer, but in the end, I did succeed and I was asked to sing again. It was wonderful. What happened? I decided it didn't matter what they thought? I wasn't singing for them. I was singing for God. This was for Him. I love singing; and what I love singing most are songs that glorify God. That's what gives me joy, singing to God, for God, about God.
“for it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose.” Philippians 2:13 (NIV)
God knew what I needed. I needed to get to that point when nothing mattered but Him. Life is so much better now than it was. My husband calls it progress. I call it peace.
“The glory of this present house will be greater than the glory of the former house,’ says the LORD Almighty. ‘And in this place I will grant peace,’ declares the LORD Almighty.” Haggai 2:9 (NIV).
My old house, my world as I knew it was destroyed. God took me into His arms, led me down a new path and provided me with a new home, a place where I serve Him openly and freely without fear of rejection or condemnation. It was a huge step forward in Faith, but I have no regrets. I see His hand. I see His work. I know all of this was in order to fulfill His good purpose.