“Help me Lord! Help me get well. Help me to get well, and . . .
Lord help me!
I need to get . . .”
It was the closest to a clear thought he had had in the last couple of days. It was the cry of his soul.
And within an hour of having breathed those words, he was thinking more clearly again, speaking in sentences and handling his basic needs. It was the second time that had happened in the past week.
I was awed by the way God was working in him, even in his low mental state. It was amazing that the confusion in his mind had not, in any way, affected his walk with the Lord.
My husband started losing cognitive skills when he was so sick with endocarditis, an infection in the heart, and then the problem escalated when he had open heart surgery to replace his valve. The doctor finally gave it the term dementia three weeks ago and said it would continue to get worse and worse.
I guess the strongest fear I had to face was the thought of my beloved preacher husband no longer being spiritually strong. I had come to count on that strength as he led our home. Would he even be able to remember the concepts he once taught?
I saw something beautiful as he sent his whispered prayer Heaven-ward. He hasn't lost his fellowship with the Lord. Even as some of the basic skills of living are being taken away from him, my husband still walks with his hand in the hand of his Heavenly Father. His child-like dependency on God has grown as his own independence has been taken away.
The change in him seems horribly sad to those of us who knew him as a proud independent man, and yet it's not so bad. Not really. As long as that hand is holding trustingly to his Father's hand, he is well in his soul. And that is greater health than all the pride and independence in the world.